April Fool's Comedy Shenanigans

[Raffa]

Welcome to Auralis City Comedy Club! A place where unfunny people can say funny things!

It's a comedy week over here in Auralis City where characters from all walks of life can chill together at a club, tell bad/cringy/funny/unfunny Defenders of Justice-themed jokes starting from April 1st to April 8th! Participating players will gain one point that they'll be able to spend on one character! Terms and Conditions Apply!

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"What do you mean "the opening act isn't here?"

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"Well, when are they getting here...!?"

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"Uh-huh..."

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"Yeah...?"

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"Uh-huh...? No...! Wait! No! Nonononononononono-"

"-nononono... no... ohhhh..."

Deep breath.

"O-okay, uhm... Okay... I... uhh... uhhh... s-s-s-s-s-s-so... a guy... a-uh, oh God, there are so many people in here."

Gulp.

"A... uh... ekhm... okay... a... uh... a p-public transport inspector goes t-to Dis and, uh... to... uh..."

Discreetly glances at the note.

"...to inspect the p-public transport thing and, uh... he... he gives it a 1-star review and... and goes back to his office. And then... his friend asks him... he... he... he asks him: "H-how was it?"."

Sweating.

"He... he then says "Oh, the... the service... the service was great! I got a blowjob and everything."."

Wipes the brow.

""Oh, yeah" says the other guy. "Then... then how come you only gave it a 1-star?"."

Legs trembling visibly.

"Then the guy says "Because it only serves one"."

Deep breath.

""It was a Succubus"."

Pause.

"A Succubus."

Pause. Cough.

"A succu-... a 'sucky bus'..."

Runs off stage.

[Youkai]

After the first performance ran off of the stage, another woman would step up to the middle of the podium. She'd clear her throat and looked at her notes, clearly more comfortable with public speaking.

"Three ninjas have run out of chips to bet, so they asked the dealer if they can make different type of deal."

The woman gulped.

"A tea bet."

Cough. Blink.

"Tibet. Tea bet. You know, where we're allegedly from?"

In a scramble, much like the first, she ducked off of the stage for the next person to take the stage.

[Silverkat]

After the Grandmaster had vacated the stage, the curtains parted, and a dozen demons came out throwing flower petals and a red carpet down towards the microphone, where Desdemona, Daughter of Azrael, Princess of the Demons, came out on stage.

"...Humanity"

She dropped the mic, and walked off laughing.

[rogue-rider]

After Desdemona dropped the mic, it ran across the floor for a moment. Before coming to rest at the elegant heels of another blonde. She stooped down. Picking up the microphone and moving it back to the stand. Delicately placing it back in its place. She paused for a moment. Looking out across the room. Reaching up. Tapping a nail softly against the device. Before smiling sweetly.

"Well. I can tell you what isn't a joke. The Chained Cross Sermons at that Cathedral of theirs."

She closed her eyes.

"I hear they tend to drag-on."

She tilted her head softly in amusement. Before she left the stage. Returning to her table. And her drink.

[MonsieurChuchote]

A gangly young woman stumbled a little unsteadily onto stage, glaring at someone behind the curtain. Still, she turned to the crowd with a bit of a gleam in her eye after a moment.

“Alright, alright, you’ll love this one.” She swayed a little, and her words were just a little slurred. Anyone close to the stage could probably smell the alcohol on her breath. “So a sorcerer has been pranked one too many times by his rival, and he decides to ward his sanctum against teleportation. He gets out his tomes, and spends days inscribing sigils around the doors and windows—resonance disruptors, spatial enforcement, feedback labyrinths, everything you could think of. Finally, he goes to sleep satisfied that noone can penetrate his defenses.”

“The next day, he wakes up to find his rival switching labels on his reagents. And he shouts, ‘how did you get past my wards?!’”

“His rival laughs and just points to the door. And at the core of the etchings he sees he used…” She broke off, trying and failing to stifle her laughter. “...a, aheh, aaahhehehehehe… Monsaint terminal matrix!” She slapped her knee, her laughter getting more and more hysterical, and then, abruptly, passed out.

[madman32]

"Is this thing on?" After booping the mic carefully with her snoot, Kit cleared out her throat with a testing yip-ypip. Then grabbed the microphone in her mouth and ran away with it quickly. Several minutes later, with much grumbling, Kit eventually returned to the stage. More specifically, to her stool. Placing back the much dirtier, yet thankfully still functional microphone in its stand.

"I've been told I can't take this until I've done a full minute." Kit woefully informed the audience. "SO! ...Have you seen Dis, have you heard about Dis?" She opened with her usual (mostly rhetorical) question. Her tail wagging swiftly, as it nearly always did. "Beautiful city, lots to smell. But boy, oh boy. All the big city demons are in such a hurry all the time! And get this...they're walking on two legs to get around!" An objectively hilarous insight, yet Kit was just warming up to her big zinger. "If you ask me, they've Dis-cidedly got some bad ideas!" After waiting out her full remaining time for the standing ovation, Kit politely bowed to her audience and scampered out again. Obviously, with the microphone in her mouth. They'd have to get a new mic for the next act, but it was surely a small price to pay for even a moment with a celebrated comedian like Kit Kaboodle.

[Mind Zapper]

A gaggle of half dressed stage attendants usher out Elaine's "set". Bouncing mounds sway and jiggle about as the love attendants scamper off the stage, letting their Mistress perch upon her tool in the spotlight. One impossibly long leg draped over the other, the voluptuous ninja cleared her throat.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she lustfully groaned! "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"

Lifting her chin while her hands cascaded down over the curves of her perky breasts, along her tight midriff, Elaine moaned and gasped as her hips squirmed upon her stool. Her white stocking clad leg rolled off it's partner before those twin knees began to separate from each other. Wider and wider those delicious delights spread apart.

Suddenly, Elaine snapped her knees back together, "You can scream all you wanted, but I am keeping the umbrella."

Flashing a wicked smirk and a suggestive wink, Elaine arose with a flirtatious twist and sauntered off the stage.